‘Nightcaps’ is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk. It runs Monday-Friday on OutKick.com.
Final Hump Day of October, boys and girls. Feels like we just started what is, objectively, the greatest month of the year — and now it’s just about over.
Sad. You know what’s even worse? An even bigger punch to the gut?
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Look at what I walked into at the Lowe’s down the street yesterday afternoon:
Disgusting behavior. I get it, by the way. Don’t get me wrong. Save your, “This is how advertising works!” emails. I know. I gotcha.
Doesn’t make it any more palatable, though. Lowe’s has already turned the page on Halloween. In fact, not pictured is the giant tent out in the parking lot that they’ve already got set up.
That’s the Christmas tree (!!!) tent, and it’s been up since last week. As Mike Gundy once said, “Where are we at in society today?!”
Anyway …
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps — the one where Justin Herbert’s fiancee, Madison Beer, hears it from sad Chargers fans during her performance at Disneyland.
Happiest Place on Earth my butt!
What else? I’ve also got Nic Cage portraying the late John Madden (I use ‘portray’ loosely), Rays fans under fire for being swallowed by Brewers fans, and OutKick legend Aileen Hnatiuk may have single-handedly willed Tampa to a Game 5 last night.
You’ll see.
OK, grab you a pumpkin beer for our final Hump Day class of October, and let’s get this show on the road.
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No stalling today. As I’ve said, time ain’t our side right now. We’ve all got things to do and pumpkins to carve before Mariah Carey invades our homes for the next two months.
So, let’s start with the NFL …
If you would’ve told me in August that the Colts and Chargers would be the two most embarrassing teams in the league by Halloween, I would’ve said you were NUTS. I’d just naturally assume it was my Dolphins, but they’ve been more than respectable this season.
Most ethical tank job of all time. Well done, Miami.
Yesterday, the Colts started their fire-sale, and I assume the Chargers ain’t far behind. They’re coming off a bye week, and now get to play the Rams. When they lose, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Mike McDaniel canned.
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Even as a miserable Dolphins fan who was ready to see McDaniel go, I’ll admit, I’m a little shocked at just how bad they’ve looked on offense this season. For years, the debate was, “Tua or Herbert?” The answer, it seems, is neither. They both stink.
Trust me, I have a ton of Herbert in fantasy this year, and my teams STINK. He’s looked genuinely terrible.
Which brings me to his fiancée, Madison Beer …
Welcome to hell, Madison! And I ain’t talking about Disneyland:
“FIX THE CHARGERS!” has got to be such a deflating thing to hear if you’re Madison Beer performing at Disneyland. She signed on for a great season, and it’s just been pure misery week in and week out.
Madison and Herbert were all the rage in the offseason. We couldn’t get enough of them. They had the NFL world wrapped around their fingers, and now she’s having to deal with questions that should be directed at the front office.
Sad. Chin up, Madison! Surely it can’t get any worse, right …
Can’t say I blame Justin here. Lord knows it’s how I’d handle an 0-5 start. I respect the choice of beverage, too. Miller Lite is elite. Nobody does the aluminum bottle game better.
Moving on …
Speaking of doing things better, let’s check in with Nicolas Cage as his new John Madden biopic gets set to hit your Prime Video streams in just three shorts weeks!
I’m gonna level with everyone … that’s just an awful John Madden impression. I’m not sure we can even call it an impression? I think it’s just Nicolas Cage … talking like Nicolas Cage?
He didn’t even attempt to sound like Madden. I don’t get it? And how about the dude playing Pat Summerall? He’s getting a pass today because everyone is focused on how bad Cage’s Madden is, but that’s equally horrible.
If you had me close my eyes and gave me a thousand guesses at who that was speaking, I would never land on John Madden. Ever. I’d say it was Nicolas Cage … because it sounds like Nicolas Cage.
For those too young to remember, this was peak John Madden:
Goodness. Did we have it all, or what? Those were the days. Our family grew up eating turducken on Thanksgiving, and it was all because of Madden. He was the best.
PS: Turducken? Good. The process of putting it together? Disgusting. But still, you do it right, and it’s delicious.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this Hump Day class into a one final October Hump Day night. First up? I’ll be the first to admit, I was wrong about this World Series.
I figured Fox would get slammed in the ratings with the Rays and Brewers, but the numbers are out, and they’re actually really solid:
Look, they aren’t Yankees or Dodgers numbers — or Phillies, Red Sox or Cubs — but it’s a really strong start. Over 12 million for Game 1, and nearly 11 million for Game 2? I’d that in a heartbeat, especially given Game 2 went up against college football.
Game 3 will be interesting to watch because it went up against Cowboys-Eagles. There’s a reason the Cowboys are in primetime six times a year.
But still, this is a win for for MLB.
Not really a win for the owners, though. The whole “small market teams can’t compete, on and off the field” argument has sort of fallen apart this postseason. I just think it’s gonna be a tough sell when the lockout inevitably begins in five weeks.
Sadly, I think that means we’re in for a really long offseason. We’ll see.
Next? While the TV ratings look good, the optics inside the Trop on Monday … did not:
Lordy. That’s A LOT of Brew Crew on my screen. A lot. I know it was a blowout. I know it’s a big park. But still, I can’t imagine Rays ownership loved seeing that.
But hey! We’ve got a Game 5 tonight. Still time to show out, Rays fans! Let’s extend this season to a Game 6, fellas. Again, it might be the last time we get baseball for a while.
OK, that’s it for today. Good final October Hump Day, everyone. Solid work.
On the way out, here’s Tampa reporter Aileen Hnatiuk, who went mega-viral a few years back as a Saints reporter, willing the Rays to a big Game 4 win in extras.
Welcome back, Aileen.
See you tomorrow.