Mel Robbins learned an unusual lesson about earning big tips when she worked as a waitress: Pay attention to the women at the table.
The bestselling author and podcast host recently recalled advice from a “mentor-boss” at the Red Rooster Tavern in Michigan about figuring out who really influences the gratuity.
“She told me when I started waitressing the secret to getting a good tip: Understanding who has influence over who gives you the good tip,” Robbins told The Wall Street Journal.
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Most might assume that if a man picks up the check, he’s also deciding the tip. But Robbins said her mentor taught her otherwise.
“What happens when the check comes and you’ve had a really good server? What happens often is the women turn to their partners and say, ‘She was great. Give her a good tip,'” Robbins recalled, adding that she learned “to ignore the men and to completely take fabulous care of the women.”
Robbins may be onto something about the social dynamics surrounding a tip — although hospitality and etiquette experts caution against ignoring anyone at the table.
“I don’t entirely disagree,” Robert Mahon, managing partner of New York-based Mahon Hospitality Group, told Fox News Digital. “In my experience, when a man is paying, the woman will often have the final judgment on the service and may suggest the tip.”
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But, he added, focusing solely on the women and ignoring the men is “just bad hospitality.”
“We would never encourage a server to show favoritism,” Mahon said.
Instead, Mahon said skilled servers pay attention to the dynamics of the entire group.
“The best servers read the whole table,” Mahon said. “Regardless of gender, people naturally respond to someone who is friendly and engaging. Ultimately, big tips come from making everyone at the table feel well-looked-after.”
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Research suggests there is more psychology behind a generous tip than simply providing good service.
In one experiment, communication researchers John S. Seiter and Harry Weger Jr. examined whether something as simple as complimenting customers could affect gratuities.
Four restaurant servers waited on 360 dining parties, either complimenting diners on their food selections or refraining from doing so, according to a study published in 2010.
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The researchers found servers received significantly higher tips when they complimented diners — evidence that small interpersonal interactions can potentially influence what customers leave behind.
Lisa Burdette, founder of the Dallas School of Etiquette, told Fox News Digital it’s true that women can have an influence over a man’s tip. But, she said, “a good server should always concentrate on all customers, never slighting anyone.”
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Etiquette dictates that the person picking up the check ultimately determines the gratuity, Burdette said.
“It should never be a topic of debate at the table,” she said.