Halloween is in the books, which means that if your household is anything like mine, you will soon be tasked with hanging Christmas lights on the front porch. However, NBA great Charles Barkley still has one Halloween-related gripe he needs to get off his chest.
He’s got some bold kids in his neighborhood who aren’t content with just a fun-sized Snickers bar or a pack of Skittles Gummies (which are actually very good, by the way); they want the Round Mound of Rebound to grab a Sharpie and sign their basketball cards.
On a recent edition of “Inside the NBA,” Barkley took a moment to address the youngsters — I think we need to assume they’re youngsters, but who knows? — who were looking to add something with some resale value to their jack-o’-lantern candy buckets.
“Hey, let me tell you something,” Barkley began. “You damn brats need to stop bringing basketball cards and stuff to my damn house. I’m giving you damn candy; I’m not there to sign autographs all night.
“I’m gonna let y’all get away with that this one damn time…”
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I can understand the frustration. This is premeditated. I don’t think many kids are keeping Barkley cards in their wallets at all times on the off chance they run into him while dressed as a pirate, football player, or inflatable Minion.
However, weirdly, I respect the boldness. Those kids are go-getters.
That said, they may want to leave their binders at home next year.
“I love being home and giving the kids candy,” Barkley continued. “But now they’re bringing cards. You can’t be mean to kids. I wanted to punch them in the face, but I couldn’t do it.”
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So there you have it, trick-or-treaters: quit being greedy.
Take your Twizzlers and then move on to the next house where you can just dump the whole bowl of candy into your pillowcase.
Leave Chuck alone.